Les Pages Aux Folles: New Columns
New Columns
August 28, 2022
1. The Daily Me - gogogidgetmobile.edu
2. ????? Headlines ?????
3. Ahead of the Curve and Behind the Mayhem [ARNS]
August 21, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Enrico Carbuncle
2. Oh Say Can You CPAC
In The Deplorables Blight...
3. Nursing: A Grudge [ARNS]
August 14, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Pollyanna Jorge
2. Headlines Have Never Heard of Johnny Depp Or Amber Heard, And Nobody Can Prove Otherwise!
3. If You Go Into the Woods Today, You’re In For a Big Surpr – URK! [ARNS]
August 7, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Cruff Lisser
2. Headlines Request The Honour Of Your Presence
If You're Seated In The First Three Rows, Be Sure to Wear a Plastic Poncho To Keep The Blood Off Your Clothes
3. Fresh From the Freezer Direct to the Armageddon on the Table
July 31, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Baseless Allegations and Gratuitous Insults, Inc.
2. Headlines Called it a Strike, Then Called it an Early Night
3. Ask the Tech Answer Guy About Just Out of Time Production [ARNS]
July 24, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Wilder Jennings
2. The Question for the Perfect Headline Continues!
3. When Life Gives You Deplorables, Suck Lemons!
July 17, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Alexis Madrigal
2. Basket Cases
3. Ask the Tech Answer Guy About Arriving DOA (Deleted on Arrival) [ARNS]
July 10, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Mayhew RestinpeaS
2. Headlines Have Been There, Stunned That, What's Drecks?
3. Are You Gonna Believe Your Lyin’ PimentoEyes? [ARNS]
July 3, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Gilead Anderson
2. What the Heck Do You Know? About the Draft Elephant in the Room
3. Are You Going to Finish That? Because, If Not, I Know a Hungry Hungry Headline...
4. Are You Future Proof? [ARNS]
June 26, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Germy Gummybear
2. Another Day, Another Entry in the Encyclopedia of Things The Literature on Alzheimer's Doesn't Prepare You For
3. Cash May Be Crass
But What Do You Use When Credit Is Ass? [ARNS]
June 19, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Gnus of the World
2. Headlines Are Worried About The Rawness of Their Throat...
3. Hardened Schools, Hardened Hearts, Softened Heads [ARNS]
June 12, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Actyrion Parnassus
2. Stop the Deplorable - I Want to Get Off!
3. Gaze Not Into the Navel Lest You Find the Navel Gazing Into You: An Alternate Reality News Service Forum [ARNS]
June 5, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Collingwood Ackack, PhP
2. The Compleat Asshat
3. You Say There's a Diaper Shortage? Aww, Poop! [ARNS]
4. The Children's Crusade – 21st Century Version
May 29, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Again With The Crazy, Stella?
2. What the Heck Do You Know? About Language?
3. Fakes So Deep They're Shallow Again [ARNS]
May 22, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Justice Samuel Albedo
2. The Sun'll Come Up, Deplorable...
3. This Should Be Illegal. Period! [ARNS]
May 17, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Crosby, Stills, Nash and Sometimes Dahmer
2. What the Heck Do You Know? Didn't Want To Get Political, But Politics Followed It Home And Made It Want To Keep Them
3. Another Contribution to the Encyclopedia of Things The Literature on Alzheimer's Doesn't Prepare You For
May 8, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Random Character Genghlpo9ydsy;; Inc.
2. Quotes Do Not Want To Incent Incels
3. On the Internet, Freedom of Speech is a Musk [ARNS]
May 1, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Ingenue Deliquescence
2. Headlines Lost More Because Of The Latest Software Update Than They Could Bear
3. The Strange Politics of Rex and Fifi [ARNS]
April 24, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Merete Manser
2. Headlines Wanted the Last Piece of Chocolate Cake, But Couldn't Bring Themselves to Ask For It
3. Adventures in Bloodletting
April 17, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Lupe Darling
2. Headlines Couldn't Evade the Question
April 10, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Purple "Gimme Shelter" Bookkeeper
2. Quotes Have a Headache - Would It Be OK With You If They Made With The Satire Tomorrow?
3. Judge Not in the Basket of Deplorables
April 3, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Vinita Gateau
2. When My Computer Crashes, I Hope I Can Re-Cover Stories...
3. The Advanced Ooginess of the Things The Literature on Alzheimer's Doesn't Prepare You For
March 27, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Busty Redsprings
2. Headlines Hate Cheap Sentiment, But It's All They Can Afford
3. What the Heck Do You Know? About Russian To War
March 20, 2022
1. They Think They're Adorable
But They're Racist Or Sexist Or Otherwise Deplorable
2. Would You Be Deplorables' Valentine?
...Why?
3. And the Deplorables Just Keep On Coming!
March 13, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Armbruster Pfutz
2. Headlines Couldn't Wait For 2021 To Be Over
The Fact That They Felt The Same Way at the End of 2020 Means Nothing...
3. Putting The Fun Back Into Non-Fungible [ARNS]
March 6, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Scott Sturm und Eliza Drang for Congress
2. Why Can't Headlines Have Nice Things?
3. What the Heck Do You Know? About The Invasion That Wasn't
February 27, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Siobhan Chevron
2. With Friends Like These, Who Needs a Free Dumb Convoy? Frequently Unasked Questions
3. What the Heck Do You Know? Will Now Mansplain What Mansplaining Is
February 20, 2022
1. We Got Us a Free Dumb Convoy of Frequently Unasked Questions
2. Headlines Grew Tired of The Colours...The Colours...!
3. Frequently Unasked Questions About Putting the Free Dumb Back in the Convoy
February 13, 2022
1. The Daily Me - The Brantford Accordion and Whale Bone Society
2. Headlines Have Forgotten More Answers Than You Have Questions, You Little Snot!
3. Deplorables Rain (Crocodile Tears) Supreme!
February 6, 2022
1. The Daily Me - An Ardern Fan
2. What the Heck Do You Know? Sings the Blues
3. You May Already Be a Loser! [ARNS]
January 30, 2022
1. The Daily Me - fearofawhiteplanet
2. That's Quote the Set of Lungs You Have On You!
3. About F.A.C.E. [ARNS]
January 23, 2022
1. The Daily Me - thedailyinteger2021.com
2. Headlines Were Too Lazy to Change the Channel
3. Language E V Loves [ARNS]
January 16, 2022
1. Cat Scratch F(or)ever
2. Headlines, Eh?
3. AAAAAACTING! For Amateurs [ARNS]
January 9, 2022
1. Zen and the Art of International Banking
2. Headlines Never Cheated On You With Your Best Friend - And Anybody Who Says Otherwise Better Be Prepared To Become A Headline!
3. The Ugly Earth Primean [ARNS]
January 2, 2022
1. The Daily Me - Eustace P. Duckamok
2. Headlines Couldn't Pass the Don't Ask, Don't Smell Test
3. The Universe of Things The Literature on Alzheimer's Doesn't Prepare You For is Constantly Growing
4. Ask Amritsar About a Devil of a Situation [ARNS]
December 26, 2021
1. The Daily Me - theleverthatticcklestheworld
2. And That Was All Quotes Wrote
3. Trouble in a Box, Delivered Right to Your Door [ARNS]
December 19, 2021
1. Frequently Unasked Questions About Precedent on Precedent Violence
2. Headlines Were Not Happy Being Part of The Cultural Wasteland, But It Was The Only Territory Available To Them
3. More Things The Literature on Alzheimer's Doesn’t Prepare You For
December 12, 2021
1. The Daily Me - sAl Pha and tOm Ega
2. Headlines Trusted the Experts and Look Where It Got Them!
3. Endless Power at Your Fingertips [ARNS]
December 5, 2021
1. Soft Incel
2. Headlines Didn't Ask, But Got Told Anyway
November 28, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Permission B. Struktur
2. Headlines - Waddya Gonna Do?
November 21, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Yesenia Sneed
2. Headlines Would Like To Apologize For That Shrimp Fork In Your Neck
3. The Cabal News Network
November 14, 2021
1. What Every Virus Wants: A Free Ride
2. Headlines Were Surprised By Their Own Strength, But That House Needed To Be Moved
3. Thou Shalt Not Bear False Reproach Against Thy Driver [ARNS]
November 7, 2021
1. The Daily Me - the baby cheeses
2. Things The Literature on Alzheimer's Doesn’t Prepare You For
3. Who Are You To Question Headlines' Decision To - Oh, Hi, Chief...
4. The Hapless Hater [ARNS]
October 31, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Karl-Heinz FOLCK
2. Leo Read the Comments
3. Headlines Were Too Drunk To Be Discreet
October 24, 2021
1. When The Only Tool You Have is a Couch,
Everything Looks Like a Psychological Problem
2. Misquotes Were Misunderstood By Miss America
3. Spring Broke
October 17, 2021
1. The Daily Me - SkipTheAggravation.com
2. There Are Some Questions Headlines Were Never Meant To Answer...
3. The Panel Plays Politics
October 10, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Valerie Suggs
2. Headlines...Just Can't...
3. Conversations Overheard at an Anti-vaxx Rally in Front of Toronto General Hospital
4. You've Got A Case! [ARNS]
October 3, 2021
1. The Daily Me - andthehouseyourodeinon
2. Goats, Votes and Quotes About C-notes
3. The Provincial Conservative Party Pandemic Preparedness Algorithm
September 26, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Gastmeyer's Lube and Lovense
2. Headlines Envy You Your Certainty
They Question Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverything!
3. Abortion Justice? You've Got a Case!
September 19, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Wesson Wigfall
2. A Kludge Family Vacation
3. Deplorable? Sing It Lewd, Sing It Prude!
September 12, 2021
1. The Daily Me – Steph.Boboebert@Takearunner.org
2. THIS Is Why Headlines Can't Have Nice Things
3. Pro and Conspiritaulity [ARNS]
September 5, 2021
1. Know Your Armchair Douchenozzle
2. Sorry, But XXXXXXXXX Has Been Redacted on Grounds of National Insecurity
3. A Courting We Will Go [ARNS]
August 29, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Aria Ruggles
2. Check One. Check One. Is This Headline On?
3. Like, Cool Threads, Man [ARNS]
August 22, 2021
1. What the Heck Do You Know? Apologizes for the Profudity
2. If You Have To Ask How Much It Costs, You Probably Can't Afford That Headline...
3. Missing the Forest for the Tweeps [ARNS]
August 15, 2021
1. The Daily Me - con Ron Roncon
2. Yeah? If You Feel That Way, You Try Incorporating The Word "Headline" Into a Headline! Not So Easy, Is It?
3. CUE the Basketbalypse [ARNS]
August 8, 2021
1. Heroes of the Unenlightenment, #127: The Unknown Hacker
2. Headlines Couldn't Think of Anything to Say (For Once)
3. Johnny Got Burnered [ARNS]
August 1, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Abstemious Pfefferling (in absentia)
2. Headlines Went Through COVID Fatigue Fatigue
3. The Death Bed Conversion of the Reduhblican Party [ARNS]
July 25, 2021
1. Heroes of the Unenlightenment, #27: Tucker Carlson
2. Headlines Threw Caution to the Wind
The Wind Threw Caution Back in Headlines' Typeface
3. The Sunshine of My Love/Hate [ARNS]
July 18, 2021
1. The Question on Every Headlines’ Mind Is...
2. Spreading the Uncle Samdemic? Super! [ARNS]
July 11, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Darius "Honky" Spelonky
2. Get Your Headline Out of the Cloud Computer and Back in the Game!
3. Extremism in the Pursuit of Free Dumb is No VICES [ARNS]
July 4, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Praise Teitelbaum
2. What the Ferk, Headlines‽
3. Buddy, Can You Spare 3.5 Million Acres? [ARNS]
June 27, 2021
1. Headlines, Introduce Thyself!
2. What the Ferking Hell is Wrong With Kansconsin? [ARNS]
3. Sometimes, Quotes Wonder If Smartphones Aren't Already More Intelligent Than The People Who Use Them
June 20, 2021
1. Headlines Finds True or False Questions Too Constraining
2. Strange Things Happen, Under Cover Story of the Night
3. The World is Watching...And Chuckling...And Guffawing... [ARNS]
June 13, 2021
1. The Daily Me - dontbeabishai
2. Headlines Hate Bedhead
3. The Thin Blue Lie [ARNS]
June 6, 2021
1. Like Two Deplorable Peas in a Podcast
2. Oh, Headlines! * SIGH *
3. Leadership by Non-example [ARNS]
May 30, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Varza V. Varza
2. I Wanted to be a Spy, But I Could Never Get the Hang of a Believable Cover Story...
3. Reduhblicans Really Know How to Bogey Man Down [ARNS]
May 23, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Leura D. Canary
2. Headlines Shook Its Head and Muttered, "You Hadda Ask, Didn't You? You Just Hadda Ask!"
3. What Happens When You Shoot Yourself in the Foot That's Firmly Planted in Your Mouth? [ARNS]
May 16, 2021
1. The Daily Me - fershlugginer gezundheit
2. On Foxindehenhaus News, Journalism is Child's Play [ARNS]
3. Giving Autocratic Thuggery a Bad Name [ARNS]
4. Headlines Are Sure They Will Recover From 2020 Any Minute Now...
Aaaaaaaaannnnny Minute Now...
Aaaaaaannnny Minute...
May 9, 2021
1. Quotes Had Cabin Fever - And Nary A Log in Sight!
2. The Dark Master Launches a Spitball [ARNS]
3. As For the Headlines That Didn't Even Know How To Ask a Question...
May 2, 2021
1. What the Heck Did What the Heck Do You Know? Know?
2. I Bag Your Pardon [ARNS]
3. Terrorists Say the Darndest Things [ARNS]
April 25, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Trinidad Roberts and Tobago Jones
2. Ask the Tech Answer Guy About Striking the First Blow for Freedom [ARNS]
3. The Representative With Angst in Her Pangst [ARNS]
April 18, 2021
1. You Don't Become Republican Majority Minority Leader Without Having Some Deplorable In You
2. Poetry Survived Post-modernism - It Will Almost Certainly Survive This [ARNS]
3. Headlines, Man - They're Trippy, Hippie!
April 11, 2021
1. One Basket of Commodities No Broker Will Recommend
2. Daughter of a Gun [ARNS]
3. Ask the Tech Answer Guy About Your Future [ARNS]
April 4, 2021
1. Cold Niestonewallander Dead [ARNS]
2. A Law Unto Themselves [ARNS]
3. Oh, Headlines!
March 28, 2021
1. Collective Selective Amnesia [ARNS]
2. Are You Questioning the Integrity of Headlines?
Umm, Okay, Then - I Just Wanted To Be Sure
3. What Does A Body Have To Do To Get Cancelled Around Here? [ARNS]
March 21, 2021
1. The Daily Me - thefallingtreeintheforest.com
2. Nothing Can Mask the Stench of a Poopyhead [ARNS]
3. Quotes Weren't Laughing At You, They Were Laughing In Your Direction
4. Ashes to Asses [ARNS]
March 14, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Lorean Keturah
2. Judge, Jury, Victim, Witness and, For All We Know, Court Stenographer and Food Services Technician [ARNS]
3. Some Headlines! Some Headlines! My kingdom for some head - Oh, There They Are...
4. QPAC O' Lies [ARNS]
March 7, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Poppa Wheelie
2. Ask Amritsar About Proper Child Discipline [ARNS]
3. The Suit That Walks Like a Man [ARNS]
4. POP QUIZ: Adorable - a + epl = ?
5. Cancellation of Cancel Culture Cancelled [ARNS]
February 28, 2021
1. Just Because What the Heck Do You Know? is Lawyering Up, You Shouldn't Assume That It's Guilty...
2. Triumph of the Alpha Turtle [ARNS]
3. Ask the Language Corrector Dude About How Tense He Gets When People Mix Up Their Tenses, Or the Correct Use of the Moral Injunctive, Or...Or...Or Anything But How He Feels About Getting His Own Column [ARNS]
4. Woobat Found a Candy [ARNS]
February 21, 2021
1. The Daily Me - And, This Army, Pal! And, This Army!
2. The Second Once in a Lifetime Event in a Year Gets Off to a Bad Start [ARNS]
3. Ask Amritsar to Dream Big
Bigger
Like, An Entire Universe Big [ARNS]
4. To Serve the People, You Have To Be Committeed [ARNS]
February 14, 2021
1. For Hypocrisy, The Honeymoon Never Ends [ARNS]
2. Crazy Like a Foxindehenhaus Anchor [ARNS]
3. Rash Omen [ARNS]
4. 24 Hours That Helped Me Put Politics in Perspective
February 7, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Al Dente's Inferno
2. That's Our Q to Exit, Stage Right [ARNS]
3. Normalizing Normal [ARNS]
4. What the Heck Do You Know? About Stealing Elections [ARNS]
January 31, 2021
1. The Question on Everybody's Mind is... Why Are Headlines Wearing Such Tight Pants?
2. Fake News, Real Violence [ARNS]
3. The View From Under the Desk [ARNS]
4. Mourning in Vesampucceri [ARNS]
January 24, 2021
1. The Daily Me - I Survived 2020 and Ali G
2. What the Heck Do You Know? About Insurrection Day? [ARNS]
3. When Putsch Came to Shove [ARNS]
4. To Insurrection, With Love [ARNS]
5. Maths Good Like A Majority Leader Should [ARNS]
January 17, 2021
1. Ask Amritsar to Reconcile the Irreconcilable [ARNS]
2. The Blood of Patridiots [ARNS]
3. Diggler, He, Diggler, He, Doodoo [ARNS]
4. What a Cop Out! [ARNS]
January 10, 2021
1. The Daily Me - Bildungsroman Polanski
2. Blowed Up Real Good [ARNS]
3. Just Like Everybody Else, Headlines Couldn't Wait For 2020 To End
And Just Like Everybody Else, They Had To
4. Blowed Up Real Good - The Reblowening! [ARNS]
January 3, 2021
1. The Daily Me Dexter Bonuss
2. Dismantling the Santaveillance State, One Precious Snowflake at a Time [ARNS]
3. Questions Didn't Headline Authority
Wait. Strike That. Reverse It...
4. The Greatest Thing Since the Advent of Sliced Bread [ARNS]
The Alternate Reality News Service - Unbookized, But Unbowed
1. The Chaos Presidency Ends as it Began - With the Wheels Coming Off [ARNS]
2. There's Strategy. There's Tactics. Then, There's This... [ARNS]
3. Dumbed If You Do, Dumbed If You Don't [ARNS]
4. Ask an Advice Columnist for a Referral [ARNS]
5. Ask the Tech Answer Guy to Suck It Up, Snowflake! [ARNS]
6. That's Ascertainment! [ARNS]
7. Ask Amritsar About the Ideal Love Line [ARNS]
8. Lawyer Up! [ARNS]
9. Strings All the Way Up [ARNS]
10. I've Seen Fire and I've Seen Rain,
And I'm Voting For President McDruhitmumpf Anyway [ARNS]
11. The Person of Pallour Male's Burden [ARNS]
12. Ask Amritsar About the Life (And Death) of the Party [ARNS]
13. More About Rudy Giulihooeyboi's Junk Than Any Sane Person Would Want To Know [ARNS]
14. The McDruhitmumpf Administration's Nomination Abomination Algorithm [ARNS]
15. When Pants on Fire Stops Being a Metaphor [ARNS]
That Was the News, Now Here Are The Headlines in Front of the News
1. Cut Headlines Some Slack!
They've Been Having a 2020 Kind of Year...
2. Yes, It's Another Headlines Article -
At This Point, You Have to Ask?
3. Headlines' Quest for Ions Continues!
4. The Last Thing Headlines Remember is That They Forgot...
5. Headlines Are Getting Used to Med Lines, And They Don't Feel Too Good About It
6. Headlines Didn't Have To Ask, But...Umm...Yeah…
7. Headlines Miss Daguerreotypes (But Not Enough To Invent a Time Machine)
8. Would You Be Disappointed If You Started Reading a What the Heck Do You Know and a Headlines Broke Out?
9. Headlines Are Starting to Feel Headline Fatigue
10. Headlines Don't Question Authority, But If They Did...
11. Headlines Don't Like Their Bedtimes (But Realize This is Not The Right Time to Complain)
12. Headlines Can't Be Bothered to Come Up With A Clever Headline For Itself
13. Don't Sweat It - Headlines ??????????????????????????????????? Everything
14. Don't Question Headline's Patriotism Unless You Are Prepared To Take the Citizenship Test and Live With the Consequences!
15. Headlines Just Threw Up a Little In Its Moth
16. Those Headlines Were Mere Appenstance...
17. Headlines Question How They Will Lose All That Additional Weight Once the Quarantine is Over
18. Headlines Make Poor Headstones
19. Unorthodox Headlines Question Endomorphic Pantaloons
20. Headlines Know That The Only Thing Worse Than Listening to Oldies on the Radio is When The Oldies on the Radio Are Twenty Years More Recent Than the Music They Grew Up With
21. To Headline Or Not To Headline - That Isn't The Question
22. Headlines Wanted To Keep Their Distance, But The Cookies Smelled Too Good...
23. Headlines Can Handle Questions About Their Masculinity If You Can Handle Questions About Your Breath
24. Headlines Weep Tears Of Red Ink
25. Headlines Slipped on a Banana Peel and Fell Into Love
26. A Question Here, A Question There and Pretty Soon the Social Contract Falls Apart!
27. Are You Kidding? Headlines Totally Meant To Question Your Patriotism! And the Patriotism of the House You Rode In On!
28. Headlines Didn’t Get a Flu Shot – Why? Do You Think They Should?
29. Once, Twice, Five Times a Headline
30. Headlines? You Call These Headlines?
In My Day, These Squiggles Wouldn't Be Fit To Shine Headlines' Shoes!
31. Headlines Lost Their Credibility During Watergate and Never Recovered It
32. Headlines Saw Their Life Flash Before Their Eyes, And Desperately Flailed For The Undo Button
